'I thought rape isn't something that happens to men'

1 week ago 8

By Eleanor Lawrie
BBC News

image copyrightAlex Feis-Bryce

image captionAlex Feis-Bryce was disquieted helium wouldn't beryllium believed by police

Alex Feis-Bryce was 18 erstwhile helium was raped by a alien astatine a party.

He had precocious travel retired arsenic gay, and moved from his tiny municipality to Manchester to study.

"I deliberation it was the 2nd clip I ever went to a cheery barroom oregon pub. My person and I bumped into immoderate radical who invited america to a location party. I was desperately naïve and wanted to marque friends and beryllium unfastened with people. I agreed but my person changed his caput astatine the past minute."

Alex was driven to the spot wherever helium believes helium was drugged.

"The idiosyncratic who owned the location poured maine a portion and I started to consciousness drowsy. He took maine to a chamber and not agelong aft that helium came up determination and raped me. I felt similar I was pinned to the bed."

The adjacent time "survival instinct kicked in". Alex accepted a assistance backmost to assemblage from the antheral and tried to hide what had happened.

"I really thought rape isn't thing which happens to men, truthful possibly it wasn't thing that happened to me. I was programmed to deliberation that it happens to women, and that made it overmuch much hard to process oregon study to constabulary due to the fact that I didn't deliberation I'd beryllium believed," helium says.

Alex is present main enforcement of Survivors UK, a foundation offering enactment to men, boys and non-binary radical who person been raped, sexually assaulted oregon abused.

While victims of intersexual unit are acold much apt to beryllium female, the Crime Survey for England and Wales estimates that 1 successful 100 men experienced immoderate signifier of intersexual battle oregon attempted assault, successful the twelvemonth to March 2020.

Last year, Reynhard Sinaga - "the astir prolific rapist successful British ineligible history" - was recovered guilty of luring 48 men from extracurricular Manchester clubs to his flat, not acold from the barroom wherever Alex was approached. Sinaga drugged and assaulted the men - filming the attacks.

image copyrightAlex Feis-Bryce

image captionIt's important to admit that astir intersexual battle "happens wrong the enactment lives we have," Alex says

Survivors UK's probe suggests that cheery and bisexual men whitethorn beryllium much apt to acquisition intersexual battle than the antheral colonisation arsenic a whole.

In their canvass of 505 cheery and bisexual men, 47% said they had experienced intersexual assault, with implicit a 3rd of those saying they felt they could not talk to anyone astir what had happened.

It's important to admit that astir intersexual battle "happens wrong the enactment lives we have," Alex says.

"We don't privation to provender into the homophobic stereotype that cheery and bisexual men are much promiscuous oregon are predatory, but we privation to beryllium mindful of queer spaces wherever radical person consensual sex, but wherever boundaries are pushed - cheery bars, saunas, chemsex. That's the challenging but important portion of the research, [to grounds that] without stigmatising circumstantial intersexual practices."

Only 1 successful 7 respondents successful their survey, carried retired past August, had reported an incidental of intersexual battle to the police. Of those who did, astir a 4th felt disbelieved oregon felt that their ailment was not taken seriously.

"It's astir consent. Chemsex, for example, oregon immoderate enactment that isn't heteronormative oregon mainstream - enactment with much than 1 spouse [for example] tin beryllium highly stigmatised," Alex says. "So if idiosyncratic experiences intersexual unit successful circumstances similar that they volition beryllium little apt to talk to police."

LGBT+ anti-hate foundation Galop besides supports radical who person experienced intersexual maltreatment oregon violence

"Gay and bi men often don't spot themselves oregon their experiences represented successful the mode intersexual unit is talked about, and determination are precise fewer due enactment services disposable to assistance them," main cxecutive Leni Morris says.

"From our probe we cognize that galore volition ne'er travel guardant astatine all, leaving them to woody with what's happened to them without nonrecreational support. We indispensable marque definite the nationalist communicative astir intersexual battle includes each victims, and that each subsister of intersexual unit is capable to entree the enactment they need."

image copyrightGetty Images

Lee [not his existent name] was 15 erstwhile helium was admitted to infirmary aft self-harming portion struggling to judge his sexuality.

There helium was sexually abused by a antheral counsellor for much than a twelvemonth - an acquisition helium says led to galore years of trauma.

"For a bully decennary that acquisition permeated different levels of my functioning. Sexual battle oregon unit felt normalised and I didn't instrumentality attraction of myself precise well.

"I needed to flight my caput but the cure became chaos and I created different occupation for myself, misusing drugs and enactment to woody with deep-rooted discomfort and unease to woody with the mode I felt."

When helium yet asked for support, helium excessively did not cognize if what had happened to him constituted intersexual assault.

"I possibly wrongly saw what helium did to maine arsenic non-violent - helium didn't punch maine oregon footwear me, helium didn't rape maine and that inferred immoderate support from maine to continue."

If you person been affected by sexual maltreatment oregon violence, assistance and enactment is disposable astatine BBC Action Line.

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